Patient communication, how much is too much, how little is too little?

As I was driving home this saturday, I received an sms from a good friend. I resisted reading the sms till I reached home but my heart sank when his message read "who is the best doctor for pancreatic cancer?"

After trading a few sms's, I found out that it is his mom who had just been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at a private hospital. I volunteered to hook him up with a colleague on Monday for a second opinion and map the course for treatment.

Personally, I could identify with his situation because some 15 years or so back, my father too was diagnosed with cancer. I remembered at that time I was getting ready to come home when I received the call from my mom. She told me that father had just seen the doctor and after the CT scan, the doctor said it was cancer and he needed surgery. My world fell apart before my eyes - I was devastated. At that time, I did not know much about cancer except that most people die from it. To know that one of the most precious person in my life was diagnosed with cancer was not something I was emotionally prepared to accept.

As I was approaching home, I remembered that I should take a hold of myself and be stable so that I do not worry my father. When I saw my father, I told him that there is nothing medical science cannot handle these days, and for all you know, it may not be cancer afterall. I could see a sense of relief when he heard that maybe, just maybe it was not cancer. It was clear to me and the rest of my family that my father could not take the news that he had cancer well. His emotional tailspin would affect his will to fight and affect his chances for recovery.

Rightly, or wrongly (turns out to be right) we decided to hide his cancer diagnosis from him.

I made an appointment to speak with his attending doctor at a private hospital and explained to him to keep the diagnosis from my dad. He agreed after my appeal. We explained to my dad that his condition (we no longer used any association to cancer eg. oncology, carcinoma, etc) will still require surgery and he agreed to go to it. Fortunately for him, a clean line could be achieved with the cancerous part of his body and it was assessed that he did not need either chemo or radiation theraphy after surgery. With this, our storyline could continue.

Looking back, limiting communication with my father about the cancer diagnosis is the right thing, and we feel gave him the spirit to take the treatment well and to recover. Today, he is in remission and I thank God that he has remained strong and healthy.

Depending on the situation/ condition, perhaps it would have made better sense to communicate with my father about his cancer diagnosis so that the appropriate interventions be carried out. In life we will never know, but my experience taught me the importance of involving the whole family in a united effort to fight a hideous disease that is still plaguing the world.

Now I wonder for my friend who is in the thick of this... I pray that his mom will pull through this journey.