I received this random email and found it very funny. Funny because people do engage in such kinds of reasoning (hopefully rarely) and irrational exuberance...enjoy!
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; isthis true? !
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't wastethem on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heartwill not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the lifeof your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay andcorn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than anefficientmechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eatchicken.. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafyvegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended dailyallowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, thatmeans they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of thegoodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. Ifyou have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetableoil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables bebadfor you? !
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around themiddle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You shouldonly be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best!feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ! 'Round' is a shape!Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had aboutfood and diets. And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the gravewith the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - bodythoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'AND..... For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritionalstudies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks thanAmericans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks thanAmericans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacksthan Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks thanAmericans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats andsuffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English Being American is apparently what kills you.
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