Life without a domestic helper

I have been without a domestic helper for the last 2 weeks.

This is the first time that we do not have an overlapping period between change over of domestic helpers - coping without a maid in our busy lifestyle is certainly challenging.

Part of this challenge is due to my expectations.  My colleagues would know that I reiterate the maxim of "a place for everything and everything has its place" countless times as we plan transition to Alexandra Hospital and the new JGH.  Basically, I am quite neat with my things at home.  Little did I find out that my wife, having a led a life with me for more than 15 years has become even more demanding in the area of cleanliness and keeping things neat.  So, the rest is history...

There are a few great things that have come about as a result of the unforeseen departure of my maid.  First, my children are now even closer to me.  I bathe them, change them, bring them to the toilet, play with them, read to them, go shopping with them, bring them to the library and bookstores, write them notes, tuck them into bed, pray for them.  Not that I do not do these things with them when my maid was around but the regularity and significant increase in frequency helped solidify our bond further.

Second, I am now better equipped to know where are the various things kept throughout the house.  Although the system used to store the stuff may be questionable, the most important quick fix for me is to know where to find things.  I am resolved to create a better inventory system when this "crisis" is over.

Third, I have developed better empathy regarding what my wife has to go through daily taking care of kids as a stay home mom.  It is really not easy - practically no time-out unless she consciously carve out some time for herself to recharge.  Sometimes when I am asked if my wife is working, my reply would be "only one person need to suffer...", and I was really referring to my wife.  Taking a job out there could well be "easier" than a stay home mom - at least one can apply for leave, take a lunch break, etc at the office! I really treasure her for taking on this "harder" job.

Despite these, life without a maid is still a "crisis" that my family is trying to manage.

My plans for the rest of the year have been turned upside down.  There are many readings and planning for next year that I would have loved to spend more time in my quiet reflection.  But, where is that time for "quiet reflection" with kids demanding my attention all the time with their many needs!  My maid used to help to manage the kids when I need some time of my own at home.  Interruptions are now rampant.  I would read the first line on a paper and my 3 year old would yell out "...cannot hold..." and I would hurriedly leave my desk to bring him to toilet.  As I settled back, skimmed the next few lines and I would hear a scream - gosh my kids are fighting for the same game again. I would settle the commotion, finished the first page and my daughter would come in and ask if I can read to her. I said I would do so after I am finished with the paper and the next thing I know, my son spilled his food...  In quiet contemplative kind of environment, that paper would have taken 15 minutes to read but in my "new life", I would be lucky to finish reading a paper in 3 hours.

The key is to keep the peace at home as our hearts, mind and plans are ruffled.  "Sacrifices" will have to be made.  I accept it that during this period, not everything will be in its place.  Some things may not be done to perfection in order to maintain some sanity.  All of us will have to step outside our comfort zone and self-perceived roles and chip in as we should as a family.

I am so glad that my new maid will start work in my home this coming wednesday.  There will be a period of "ramping up" for her and during the same period I hope my wife and I can "ramp down" somewhat.  I am indeed looking forward to catching some personal time and time with my wife in the near future!

In the meantime, I am just a tad grouchy.  I hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive me.