Check out this article "On the Receiving End: How we think about help isn't helping".
The closest local example that I think of uses a scene in a crowded MRT. You are seated down and you spot an elderly women just got on and in your assessment really need the seat. She could hardly balance herself as train moves on, and your heart is racing. You think to yourself, "I should give up my seat for her...but wait a minute, what if I stand up and offer my seat to her and she refuses to take it? It will be very embarrassing for me...". You plucked up your courage and offered her your seat.
The old lady looked at you as you stood up and she told you "No, you seat, I can stand" and then looked away. You tried to tell her again that you do not mind letting her take your seat, and she refused, looking away. You thought to yourself, "I should have just sat down and save the embarrassment". Guess what? You also told yourself that the next time you see another in need, you will just pretend not to know.
This outcome is bad! The person who needs help is not helped, and in return the helper may be conditioned not to offer help in future.
The article talks about thinking about help as an act of collaboration. To "Take" is not to take a "Hand out", it is "enabling the contribution" - the notion of "Give Give"
The next time we need help, receive help graciously.
Happy National Day 2008!
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